Letter no. 40: Keeping up in a Long Distance Relationship

Only few out of many long distance relationships survive. Let’s admit it. One thing that differs LDR from other kinds of relationship is its tendency to be either weaker or stronger depending on how you connect; but a remedy can always be pulled of to keep the relationship smooth for as long as you mutually understand each other.

At the end of the day, it’s still up to the level of your understanding and passion to go on. No kinds of relationship would survive if it isn’t mutual. Here are a few tips for you to keep up in a long distance relationship. I’d like to disclaim though that this is still case to case basis but generally speaking, it may help.

• Communication is a must.
  Let me clarify though that communication has certain frequencies. We are not talking about hours or days or every other minute in specific but I must say not too long like months or years. Remember that communication is the only way you can connect to him or her. A lot could happen in months. You can come up with an agreement on when to communicate and talk. Every other day or twice a week wouldn’t hurt. We have lots of ways to deal with communication nowadays- skype, email, social networking, mobile applications, etc. Leave a message if there’s no time for communicating face to face. You have to consider time zone (if your loved ones are located outside the country).
   
  Communicate with feelings.
  Whenever you two are talking, make every second a moment to reminisce and remember. Trascend your love and show expression of love, gesture of happiness and appreciation. If talking on phone, express it through the tone of your voice or when your’e talking on videos, a gesture of kiss or wink or anything you can think of wouldn’t hurt. It’s a video after all so let the person think as if you’re talking face to face, physically present to each other.

• Don’t draw judgement.
  We sometimes have the tendency to be paranoid or draw judgement on what’s going on the other side if we haven’t communicated for a while. If the love you’ve invested is real, pure and sincere, you have nothing to worry about. Believe me, don’t think about it too much, but don’t come to the point that you’re thinking about it too less, that wouldn’t make a difference. Give general updates to avoid paranoia. Don’t draw judgment until he/she talks to you about the delay.Most of the time, this is one of the major causes of LDR failure, so avoid it as much as possible.

  •Solve problems through call or videochat, not through SMS.
  Another cause of misunderstanding is when you two talk about sensitive topics through SMS or solve an issue through SMS or instant messengers. Remember that a simple messsage can be decoded differently on the recipient’s side. A simple “I’ll talk to you when I have the time” can mean either he/she doesn’t have the time now, or he’s dealing with a situation that can’t be talked about now, or there’s something you need to talk about on the right time.Another weakness is that, you would have a tendency to look back at it when things go wrong in the future, and it might cause another issue.Delete messages of reconciliation, problem solving rather talk about things on call or videochat, in that way, you would clearly decode the message you are conveying to each other.

• Be honest. Integrity dear.
  It’s basic everyone must comply with. If you feel something is wrong, tell it directly and solve the issue at the end of the talk. You have to remember that it takes the two of you to tango, it’s not healthy to keep emotions inside. If a problem arises, no matter what it is, keep grounded by love. Nothing in the world can’t be solved without talking properly.
• •Look forward and not backward.
  Always move forward. Count the days you’ll soon be together rather than counting the days of how long have you been apart. Always consider the future as this eases your longingness. Or just don’t count on the days at all. Just count the ways.

  •Progress even if you’re apart. Act independently.
  It’s not an excuse to stop doing what your’e doing and back out of your plan when you’re apart. Always remember to keep relationship at your priority and keep it along with your priority or dream as an individdual. Being apart doesn’t stop you for being supportive of your loved ones’ dreams. Your life doesn’t also revolve on the two of you specifically. Handle things according to priority but make sure your relationship will always get along with yourself’s. If you dream of being a chef, or a teacher or go some places someday, believe with it and do it. What I’m saying is, you don’t have to be too dependent to your partner, take action on your dreams and let your partner be an inspiration. Support each other. Include him/her on your plan too. Remember that you are fulfilling your dreams for your future family, to build a strong stable self.

  •Keep positive thoughts and believe in premise of love.
  Positive vibes/thoughts are always helpful. Be firm and continue to love. We all believe that love begins at attraction; can be a physical features, a character, a deed you won’t forget, a conversation or something you two jived about. And the rest is a choice. You got attracted at first. You fired up the interests. You let it flame with emotions. It conflagrated to commitment and the rest is your choice to keep the fuel alive and passion burning. if you don’t do anything, it would stop at a certain point. The fire will turn into ashes and that ends your relationsip. The challenge is for you to keep it burning.

  Love begins at attraction, and the rest is a choice.

Lovelots,
Coco