The First Letter: Quarter to Life
Play this as you read:
Late January this year, I started to feel the same burden I felt 2 years ago. If my memory serves me right, I wrote you a letter April 2009 talking about how I feel with the world. I was asking then what my purpose in this life is and how or what would I be two years from then. It was a brain crash. Like I almost had a nervous breakdown by just thinking… yeah… just thinking.. Imagine how thinking affected me 2 years ago and led me to where I am now, and how thinking made me create you, my Imaginary friend. I remember asking you an introductory question: “Where will it all go?”. Blank. I never got any answer. The letter ended with just two parts; the introductory question I asked and the body containing all my sentiments. I realized that the conclusion is here. The conclusion is now. And just like human being, even letter has life. It doesn’t end with just the conclusion.
I wish I could be like you. Lifeless but infinite. After two years of graduating from college, the big question has an answer. “Where will it all go?” The answer is NOWHERE. I was born, got raised, ate three times a day or sometimes more, learned the ABC’s, entered elementary, learned the 123’s and played after school, not minding what’s next in life. I say not minding because after elementary I only had two options: to stop schooling or to enter High school. I opted the latter. And then came highschool where I met Enstein, with his theory of relativity, I knew gravity that I blame whenever I ‘m down, everything was routinary, school then home. For four years, it had never been different, not minding what’s next in life. I say not minding because after high school I only had 3 options: To continue college, to stop schooling or to find a job. And I opted to go to College, and I grew, and my network expanded, and knowledge poured, and beliefs bloomed side by side. It was all about learning, it was supposed to be molding my craft which is Communication, without knowing yet that I wouldn’ be happy at all. It’s like molding a figure that is made of sand. Then, I met you. I fell in love, got hurt, fell in love again and got hurt for the second time, I got your back. And just like knowledge, emotion expanded. On my third year in College, I started to fear life because I was thinking what’s next in line. What’s in store after college. And two years ago, there I wrote you a letter. I started to ask, ponder, “where will it all go?” and the answer is now.
Two years had passed, I realized that what work has two faces: Pursue your degree without money but your’e happy or pursue available trending job where money is pouring but happiness is sacrificed. I opted the latter. I thought of it a lot of times and you know it. I consulted you. At least that’s what you told me to choose. I chose money over happiness when I got to the point that thinking alone won’t help, that I couldn’t have both at the same time, and I needed some action. It was July when I started working, and everything else started to crumble, my universe conspired. I learned that this is the last phase, that there’s nothing else after college. I learned that the option I chose not only sacrificed my happiness but sacrificed my degree that I wrestled for four years. More thoughts came, my point of view changed, I began to worry and ask the same introductory question. I began worrying about the population and how it affects chances; that the more the population, the less the chance, the higher the competition, the less demand and the shittier. I lost sense of love. I met once again Maslow with his hierarchy of needs that I just ignored during my freshman days. I jumped tothe second staircase of his ladder and focused more on social security and self stability. I started skipping meals, loosing weight and all that. One year after working, and I was stagnant, and worried, and still thinking.
And then I met Elizabeth Gilbert who taught me three important formulae to balance life. Her creation: Eat, pray love led me to feed physical self by eating solid food and drinking water thrice a day, feed my soul by loving and acquiring knowledge at least twice a day (soul is heart and mind: feed them by showing affection to others), and feed my spiritual self by talking to God at least once a day. It helped. Somehow. At least.
I am stuck in the job I chose two years ago. I sometimes, drag myself to work and I admit I am not happy. I don’t blame it to the past instead I owe this to the past: this whole second blast of realization. I earn above average but I am not happy. I sometimes think that two years is a wasted time, but on the other hand, I wouldn’t come to this thinking if not with those momentous two years. I learned to draw a line between not being happy and not being contented.
Michael, I’m coming back. Right now. While writing this letter, I am eating smidgets and sipping frappe. I am writing with full love, yes, my heart is full. I am sending you this message from the bottom of my heart. I have just talked to HIM a while ago right before writing you this letter. My mind is clearer. I am decided to take a leap and risk the other face of work I mentioned above. I am ready to love, to live life, to appreciate things. I am excited to see and feel real happiness.
Michael, time is aging and so am I. I am leaving you a question. Where will it all go? Am I right that the answer is nowhere? I have to keep going I guess, and when everything stops, that’s where it all go.
Just stay beside me is all I ever wish for.
And you…have you realized where will this all go? I will wait for your answers.
“I began worrying about the population and how it affects chances; that the more the population, the less the chance, the higher the competition, the less demand and the shittier.”
QUESTION MARK FOR YOU TO BREAK:
“Have you so far reflected where will this life go? …and what’s the purpose behind living”
If you got the message and are Michael enough to break the question mark, then share your thoughts of the above letter and be featured as the next response letter. Just send your letters to firstname.lastname@example.org and be yourself read by others who have probably got the same thoughts.
RESPONSE LETTER FORMAT:
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Song titled: Ragnarok
Picture lifted from:http://whatislove-2010.blogspot.com/2012_03_01_archive.html