Letter no. 34: Interview with the Broken Hearted

imagesIt happened in the library, an organized place where sobs and sighs dazed the quiet place . It happened in Coffee Blends, where a mug of cappuccino got cold, stayed still and untouched. It happened in a train station, on the third time, where another life could have almost lost. Now anywhere she turns, reminds her of the most difficult part of her life, the magic word- breakup.

Dear Michael,

I sat quietly on the grass and grasped the fresh air down my spine. The shade of acasia and the promising landscape of the meadows were just perfect for a great talk. It’s passed afternnon and the sun was up intensely. In a secondwhile, I opened my clutchbag and picked out my planner, ran through the list with my index finger and stopped by the date and time. It was August 5, Sunday. I cleared my wrist watch, it said 2:45PM. I had an appointment with Shayne right there, in Ayala Triangle Park. Shayne was a friend, not a really close one I could call bestfriend, but just an ordinary aquaintance you used to know and mingle to when I was in college. We were introduced by a common friend one lunchtime after a debate class.

Shayne is not your ordinary girl, a not-so-preserved but consarvative mixed, if you know what I mean, mysterious at first, but has a lot to reveal as you go along. She’s the type who wears eyeglasses on top of a miniskirt confusing guys which personality is which. That’s one thing I like about her. We somehow jive when it comes to social debate as she was a member of the school press that time, and we usually see and compete with each other during campus debate talking endlessly about current events. She’s good in logical thinking but her team never aced us even once. Then her teamates graduated a year after and she joined us, became one of our allies and we became friends second degree. That’s how we started. She works for an advertising company right now holding a supervisory position. She pretty much has everything right now; good bunch of friends, a loving family, successful career and perhaps lotsa money. But one thing she’s not successful at- relationship. It has always been a problem for her, and that’s why I was there for, to catch up with her life , specially with her lovelife as I was doing an article for an online publishing, about the magic word- “break-up”. I chose her as one of the subjects as she had experienced it badly thrice.

I supposed to have a coffee appointment with her but she refused, I guessed I knew why. Coffee seemed to remind her of her second boyrfriend, Kurt, who dumped her for someone else in Coffee Blends, while she’s chewing chocolate coated marshmallow. So she decided to meet me at the park instead.

She came 15 minutes that I almost jumped out of excitement. She’s in her office attire, corporate skirt, a pair of boots, collared top and neon red umbrella, hair done curled, lipstick checked and the old school eyeglasses, now in Silver frame. She looked very expensive compared to before, a little intimidating, and still mysterious.

After sometime of catching up, laughing out loud and exhanging stories, we strolled in the park, had some chitchat while sipping lemongrass tea. Right then, when the peace of mind was set and lovers walked passed along us I started the conversation.

Me: So have you been dating lately after you broke up with Jim?

She cleared her throat.

Shayne: It was Jess, not Jim, and for the record, I didn’t break up with him, he dumped me instead.

I was sorry for the name mismatching and she just burst into laughter as sign that she’s totally moved on. Right, Jim was her first, the one who broke up with her in the library because they will migrate to the US on that same morning. Then, came Kurt who broke up with him in Coffee Blends, where a mug of cappuccino got cold, stayed still and untouched- reason: third party, and then there was Jess, who broke up with him because, uhm, I don’t know if I’m allowed to say the word…

He’s uhm.

He’s not sexually ready.

He’s gay.

There you go.

Me: Alright, I see, so does that mean a no, you’re not dating?

Shayne: Yes.

Me: Yes, of course, you are!

Shayne: I mean yes, I agree with your question, so the answer is no, I am not yet dating anyone. You see, I have this post traumatic experience with Jess, I didn’t know he’s gay. I mean there’s nothing wrong with being gay but he could have told me sooner. I thought he’s the one.

Me: Well at least he still told you, and you should take it positively at least you’ve helped him realize his identity, for without you, he might still be hiding in his mom’s closet.

Shayne: I guess that’s the point of relationship Coco, we always thought they are the one, and in the end, we would find out they are not.

She sighed deeply and took the last sip of tea.

heartbroken

Me: Was there really love, I mean did you feel it reciprocated to you?

Shayne: Yes there was, at first. It’s always in the beginning you know. There was a spark… and like a sparkler, it dies as you go along.. and then I thought, there’s really no way of weighing love, it’s just a label, we just need someone to be with, it’s like adding a little reponsibility for higher sort of happiness. How would you know it’s love, right. It could be love for you but for him maybe it’s just a form of denial, a front act, a road not taken yet, a risk, a nice try, a sake, an experiment, it could mean any excuses you could possibly imagine.

Me: I see the point. But the fact that you were together, somehow there’s time spent, there are moments, there’s money wasted, it means value right, and when there’s value, there’s love.

Shayne: Somehow you’re right. In an ideal world, you meet each other, you find comfort, it elevates to happiness, you decide to be together, you fill the gaps, embrace the goodness and badness of his attitude, but somebody comes along, that he thinks has better way of filling the gaps, and you find yourself questioning your worth. It’s all going to be the same the next time, everything changes you know,  what goes up must come down.

Me: So is that the reason why you’re not dating anyone now, or are you closed to the possibility of being inlove for the fourth time?

Shayne: It’s all the same pal. Boys are piece of meat cooked in different ways, and these peices of meat could spoil if not taken and won’t last long if eaten.

I took a huge sip.

Me: Wow, that was deep!

Shayne: That’s what I get of break-ups.

Me: So how did you usually cope up after the break ups?

Shayne: Nobody in the world could help you but yourself, so I started thinking of my worth. Why would I cry for someone who’s not worthy of me? Why would I frown when there’s a lot of option to be happy. So I would usually go out with my friends, post bitter statements in Facebook, I go home drunk but I always make sure… to fix myself the other day..

Me: Oh yeah?

Shayne:… and.. delete the bitter post. If he happens to read it, the supremacy in him would arise. So show it for sometime and let go of it. I read this once, if you are angry of someone, you are a victim. And who would want to be a victim. I totally am not.

Me: I see that.

Shayne: …next, consult astrology if necessary, or if you have time.

Me: You consult what? Do you really have to consult the stars? Like you go out at night and find a comet, constellation and all the aliens in the universe? That is creepy.

Shayne: No, no, it’s not what your’e thinking. It’s all about personality compatability. It’s simple like you don’t put salt obviously in coffee because they wouldn’t give a good taste. You put sugar to balance the bitterness of coffee. So it’s important that you and your partner have that balanced taste.

Me: So where is astrology in sugar and coffee then?

Shayne: Did I say coffee? Oh I hate coffee, forget it. It’s simple, you study his personality, check if it fits yours, you consult the saying of astrology, consider his strength and weak spot and you compare it with yours. Love is not all about happiness. There’s so much more about it that people don’t realize. it’s more of compatibility rather.

Me: That’s a lot of effort if I may say.

Shayne: I agree. See zodiac sign helps!!! I swear it works. One day I ask myself, shit I am Pisces and Jess is a Leo. We weren’t really that compatible. He’s more of a stubborn type whereas I am emotional. He’s born to be pleased, they are closed minded, so at least it helped me figure out the reason that he’s not for me.

Long silence…

Shayne: Well, apart from the fact that he’s gay. He wouldn’t really be  for me.

Me: Are you kidding?

Shayne: No, it’s just a guide.

Me: So who are those compatible to you?

Shayne: It says we are water signs so better find Aquarius who are water caretakers. They take care of water creatures so they take control and hold of the relationship…. It’s funny right? But I’m considering it. 🙂

Haha. It was really funny that our conversation from dumping has gotten to astrology. We talked and talked until the last minute that we had. We reached the dead end of the park and bid goodbye after some time.

It was really nice to see her differently that day. She still has a lot to say. I thanked her too for some realizations, for some details and for helping me with the article I’m doing.

Not so later when I got home, I opened my laptop and typed on the web URL. www.astrology.com

I tried.

and guess what right now.

It worked!

Lovelots,
Coco

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Posted on September 10, 2013, in LETTERS 33-40, LOVE LETTERS and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Jeez. I am going through the exact thing she experienced. Hello, Piscean!

  2. Let me begin by saying that this article/letter makes a lot of sense first because of the almost-perfect form of writing and secondly, because of the topic that made me consider checking zodiacs too when loving. It’s true that it’s a guide, and it’s a lifeline for you to know- the keyword is compatibility. So in the end it’s still your choice, his personality must compliment yours for you to have a long lasting relationship.

    Kudos!

    -Frank Dubben

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