Category Archives: LOVE LETTERS

I fall, love and learn.
Been hurt and almost forgotten.
But through it all I yearn.
Love’s important lesson is best when written.

Letter no. 46: What have we missed?

“I wish right now, I could go back to the day I met him and just walk away. Honestly, it would’ve samed me so much hurt and pain”

quotes about getting hurt (2)

Dear Michael,

He wanted me. I didn’t.
He liked me, I quietly did.
He didn’t give up, he cared for me,
He asked for a chance,
I gave him a chance,
And now.
He doesn’t want me, and I do.
In the name of acquaintance,
what have gone wrong, what have we missed?

He promised the moon and stars.
And he even tried to catch them from the sky.
And now,
he’s sending it back to clouds,
letting it go so high.
In the name of affair, what have we missed?

We shared secrets, and swore to keep it.
We dreamed together, and vowed to reach it.
But now, I’m wondrin what has happened to it,
In the name of the father, of the son and the holy spirit,
I am giving up the thought, of what have we missed.

When I was weak, he made me strong.
When I was down, he gave me reason to go on.
And now I’m standing up for him,
but he’s just too bad to be true.
In the name of love,
what have we missed?

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Letter no. 38: Stefano’s Letter to Landon

man-walking-away-on-lonely-roadMy Math teacher once asked me a question, “If triangle has three sides, what polygon has two sides?” Everybody knows there’s none. But I insisted and answered, “Ma’am, a heart,  heart-shaped. It has two curve sides meeting at two points across”. I got an x mark after the class and series of laughter along the lobby. My Philosophy teacher asked me the same question the next day, and I answered the same and I got exempted from the final exam.

Dear Landon,

Sometimes, it’s funny how contradicting subjects in school are. We follow different rules in Math and Philosophy. We follow different set of formula that only a few can be used on our daily living. But that’s not the point. I wanted to just start this letter on that day because it was a very memorable day for me. That day, I saw how everyone threw shame on me except for you in the corner sitting 3 seats behind me. You have probably taught that I had a point, which you know, I think I had. Math just don’t accept it. So you followed me out when the class got dismissed and told me that you were thinking of the same answer. I got enlightened somehow.

So I was thinking right. Your hazel eyes were distracting I must say.

You might not know but all this time, I’ve been adoring that same eyes who looked at me a year ago when we were juniors.

And that’s where it all started.

It is quite strange Landon because you seem to be different from all the people I’ve shared my friendship with. You exactly hit what my dad once told me, that I would meet thousands of people and none of them would matter, and then I would meet one person, and I would feel like my life is changed forever. To you Landon, I feel different, I feel changed. I am moved.

We became bestfriends since then and you always stood beside me on my ups and downs. We jived in a way, which is ridiculous and funny. We are both funny guys I know and logical at the same time, and that makes me happy being with you.

Do you remember the time I told you about my family situation? When people would question me about where I came from, you were always there to support me. You know for a fact that I was an adopted child to gay parents. It was until I was six that I fully understood the situation. I love my parents so much. They taught me how to respect other people in all walks. I still found it weird sometimes though that I have two parents, both a daddy but can both be an instant mommy too. They have different culture: a Filipino and an American- but I loved how they raised me, I learned both. It’s an advantage in a way. I don’t depend on biological roles anyway. it’s just a social structure, you know, impression built by society but not a law. So I didn’t question God. I started to not care about it when I grew up. You know why?… because I met you, and from then I understood what my parents probably felt when they first met, and Math has really nothing to do with it.

I told them about you by the way. And they were thrilled. My Filipino dad was actually the one who pushed me to write this letter for you. He always says that I don’t have to suppress feelings when they are existing. Feelings are meant to be shared, expressed and talked about. So here we go.

I wouldn’t go too far of what I am about to say. I think I kinda like you Landon. I haven’t talked about this identity crisis to anyone else apart from my parents who totally understand me. I think I am gay. You are the third to know, and the first guy to whom I like to say I love you. Isn’t that cute? I know you weren’t homophobic. I see the respect in you and that gives me the courage to say these things. I love you Landon several months after the first time I noticed you in our Math class. I liked you the time you followed me out of the classroom. We used to be bestfriends since then and I hope we would always be afterall.

I love how you walk me home every other day, when our badminton session is over and I love how you groom up and give a killer smile when all else fail. To you, there’s never a question. There’s always an aswer, which added to my attraction to you. I’d like you to know that I am happy having you for I realized my real identity and real place in earth. I couldn’t ask for more. I love you just the way you are. I couldn’t be any happier.

That’s what I thought at least. But the sad part Landon is, I am leaving the Philippines to Australia to get a college degree. My parents want us to move there for good and start a new life. It means I wouldn’t be able to see you in the next few years and that saddens me a lot. This is the first time I feel this strange. We are graduating this May from highschool and my heart is starting to melt like frozen for quite sometime. It tears me that someday, you would realize the same feeling but your hazel eyes would find someone else, probably in the same classroom that once we were, or outside the world, where life is too tough.

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In the last three days, I’ve been sobbing a lot. I told my parents about it and they were sorry but happy for I finally realized who really am I. And they you know, their lovestory inspired me to hold on to this feelings and hope that you feel the same way. As you know, my parents just started their relationship online. My American dad was just following my Filipino dad in his blog, the typical journal blogs that we see in the web- that’s where the communication started. They began liking each other and fomally introcuding each other thru email, sometimes skype. That time, my daddy Andrew was in Minnesotta and my other daddy Coco was in the Philippines, and you know Landon, it’s really the feelings, trust and willingness that moved them closer, like the two curve sides in our Math class that meet at one straight way- the heart. That’s what they have that polygons never had.

Daddy Andrew taught daddy Coco how to be independent and Dad Coco taught Andrew how to live a life with smiles and positivity. I see love everyday. I see effort and sacrifice. I see smiles on their face as they raise me. I get the same warmth of embrace. Me, my two dads and you would make a perfect holiday somewhere out of the world.

In the last three days, I would find myself alone in the park, watching kids playing with balloons and flying kites and I wished you were there. I would find myself sitting on a bench before the green meadows trying to stop the sunset to rest, but it just won’t stop. And day by day, I am getting weaker inside.

I sometimes pictured it out. You know.., me and you, you and me… like how my two dads were. But I know I would only have a small chance. I don’t know, sometimes you feel like confessions really would mean a luck; that you either get the chance or bury your feelings forever. I fear of the latter. There would always be fear I know, greater fears are about to come for sure and I’m willing to taste fear at its greatest, just to let you know of this love.

And so to conclude, I love you. My parents already love you. Today is the 8th of April, the same day last year that I walked out of our Math class and you followed me. I am proud to say you are the other half of the curve side I’ve been looking for. I just hope that we meet at the two points across forming a heart… a love… a different kind of shape that polygon never had.

What do you think Buddy? I will be waiting for your answers.

Lovelots,

Stef.

The letter above was written from the first person point of view of Stefano, the supposed and soon-to-be name of my future adopted son, with my partner Andrew. To both, my love is all for you.

Letter no. 37: The Ex Types

FFFBreak ups can perhaps be the second most heartbreaking happening in our life next to death. And just like death, it is the same as losing people who have become part of us, not in a literal sense, but are like being detached from our system.

For some who have experienced break ups, you might agree that there is no perfect resolution in dealing with it. There even is no formula to ease the pain, but there is always a way to heal and get back to feet.

There are usually four types of brokenhearted people. Let’s meet them and see how they react to break ups.

I. THE FOOLISH– Foolish people revenge. They retaliate. They are immature. They usually aged 20 and below. They would threat back, sometimes attack behind your back to match the pain they are going through. For them, there is no such phrase as ‘past is past’, it’s rather “the end justifies the means”. They would seek so much attention by pleasing you or by spilling what you had with your friends. They would highlight your bad side to others especially to your close friends. They would have a tendency to kiss and tell. They are annoying. They always draw a loophole no matter how you explain things. And they will always be hopeless. The best thing to do is be ignorant and don’t threat back. They would only stop when they feel like nobody cares and they have no choice but to move on.

2. THE WASTED– These people are sentimental and too emotional. They would love to see themselves crying and self pitying instead of doing something else to distract the sudden breakup. They are always occupied by memories, the ones playing emo songs on Sunday or eating their feelings out to the max. They see temporary light in bottle of beer and cans of Cali and lots of it until it’s out of sight. They sleep with wet pillows. Dreaming is their sweet escape and waking up is the hardest part.

3. THE ELITE– They are usually the dominant ones in a relationship. They are the stubborn ones who would usually break the walls in a relationship. They are termed as heartbreakers but when it’s them whom you broke up with, they wouldn’t care at all. These people feel like the world is in their hands that they don’t mind whatever happens to the relationship at all. They easily cope up and they feel no pain because they easily find a new one. Their notion is to always go with the flow and stop when the flow goes wrong. Their first choice is to stop and not resolve so you would always go wrong in the end. They only say sorry once and when they got denied, they wouldn’t please you.

4. THE INTELLIGENT– These are strong and wise people who understand the logic of break ups. When it’s time, then it’s time. But unlike the elite people, they would go through all the odds and experiment the flow of relationship before they go to the last resort of breaking up. They would try new possibilities and strategies to work things out.  They are nice people to deal with for you can befriend them afterall what happened. They usually believe in ‘past is past’ passage and they would usually find light despite the pain. They feel hurt but are wise enough to deal with it. They would see the lesson and move on. They don’t retaliate. They don’t question the worth. They are just silent about the break up and they have sense of respect.

For whichever one you’ll be, one thing you have to remember is that you are left choiceless.

Break up is like a bumblebee bite, it stings too fast and it lasts too long and sometimes leave a mark.

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